There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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