i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
