Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
