he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
