I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize