You smell like stripper and shame
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
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