im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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