that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize