I accidentally had phone sex last night
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
