he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
