While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
