Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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