Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
