I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
