Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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