I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
