Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
