Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.