tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
