I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?