So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.