Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
