When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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