I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
