I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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