I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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