My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
