Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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