I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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