this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
even my farts smell like vagina
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
