i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
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Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize