Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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