Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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