How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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