its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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