The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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