Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
