he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
