I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just high enough for therapy.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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