What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize