sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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