He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
do herpes really smell.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
