If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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