I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You were trust falling into bushes
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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