I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize