I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
If I die, sorry about rent.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
