ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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