i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
