im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
