yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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