He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
