lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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