Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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