you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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