I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He better not be in your backpack
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Who died my cat blue again?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
