At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize