I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
