Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
