to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
