It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
