I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
