Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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