Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
