There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
