I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm just crazy horny about you
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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