I just cut my nipple shaving
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
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