belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
